Smiley Face

Although I got a very expensive and much needed digital camera for my birthday, my favorite present from my mother was a “report card” written by my preschool teacher when I was one and a half. I had never seen it before, and it was such an absolute joy to read it twenty years later. It’s amazing that I am essentially the same person now. It’s amazing that after so much time and so many changes, this is still exactly who I am. It’s amazing to know that I was born into this world with a smile on my face.

The report reads, “Frankie has been such a great part of our class. She socializes well, despite the fact that she is often the only girl! She has a laugh that will get her anything. In the next month, Frankie’s language is sure to blossom. She has a very delicate manner and enjoys a lot of activities. This openness will take her far. I’ve really enjoyed her smiley face!”

Smiley face. That’s me. I feel as though no matter what happens in my life, no matter how many downs accompany my ups, I’ll always have that smiley face. I’ll always know that I entered this world and will leave this world with that same genuine smile. I'll always know that's me.

At our final assembly in high school, I won an award with the following description. "The Caroline Susan Jones pin is a tribute given by vote of three upper classes and the faculty to a member of the senior class who has displayed courage, cheerfulness, fair-mindedness, good sportsmanship, whose influence is widely felt, who has the courage of her own convictions and who is respected by all. The winner is a competent, quick-witted, effective leader of her class. Not only does she give whole-heartedly and generously to all activities, she has a gift for interacting closely and sensitively with people of all ages and persuasions. She has a special knack for making others feel comfortable and valued. She is Frankie Zelnick."

She is. I am. I spend so much time trying to define myself, trying to figure out how each change in my life alters who I am, but I look back on these things written about me and realize that deep down I've been the same person all this time. Deep down, I will always be this person, and I'm grateful for that. My heart will always be searching for that love that makes it sing.

The picture above is a goofy one. Five of us took them at a concert we attended this summer, each one a black and white portrait of us in a moment of sheer happiness. They’re five of my favorite pictures, even if we all look rather ridiculous. There’s something really lovely about having such joy captured this way, of having captured the essence of our heart songs, of having captured our smiley faces. Smiley face. That's me.