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"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather my spark burn out in a brilliant blaze than be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy, permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." ~Jack London

Monday, February 27, 2006

Dwell In Possibility



This is the wooden block that sits on my kitchen window. Every day I watch the sun setting miraculously behind it. Every day I look upon these words and think about their wisdom. Every day I am struck by the beauty of the sun leaving me with this thought. Dwell in possibility.

Sometimes it feels as though my whole life revolves around possibility. The world burns with possibility, with potential, with the idle dreams of dreamers. I like to think that people’s wishes, fulfilled or unfulfilled, hang in the air for the rest of us to step into when the time is right. I know I’m not the first person to want the things I want, to believe the things I believe. I know I’m not the last, either.

I’ve been thinking a lot today about what Deb said, about how fear prevents us from moving forward, from acting on our desires. I know the feeling all too well. Procrastination is hardly ever simply a matter of laziness. It’s about avoidance. It’s about being unable to face one’s fears and apprehensions about what needs to be done. I worry that there’s too much of that in my life.

I worry that without the help of my mother and friends pushing me to do what I need to do, I’d be incapable of doing anything. I’m good about acting on my instincts, about listening to my heart, but I have so very much to learn about taking the necessary steps. I have so very much to learn about trusting myself.

I used to think that without anyone else in my life, things would be easier. I know that it’s illogical, but part of me wished that I didn’t have so many ties to loved ones. It would be so much easier to be free. It would be easier to pick up my things and leave to travel the world. It would be easier to have no plans and no definition of myself. I felt like it would be easier to change my life if so much of it wasn’t already happy.

I know that it sounds awful to say such a thing. Why would anyone want to give up happiness? Well, I don’t know, but a part of me always has. A part of me would rather constantly dwell in possibility, in what could be, instead of what already is. It’s somewhat difficult for me to accept contentment in my life.

I am, in so many ways, content. I am joyful and blessed and happy. I am lucky enough to like my life. Still, there’s always that possibility of more. And I hunger for it. I long for those things I have yet to discover. I long for that life I have yet to live. I long for change.

But those changes are yet to be defined. Maybe out of fear. I could write out a whole list of things I want to do before I die, but I’m afraid of the sadness I’ll feel if they never get done. I’m afraid of the possibility of failure. I’m afraid of that possibility in which I dwell.

Dwell in possibility. I suppose that means both the good and the bad. I suppose all of life is taking risks. Some things work out, some things don’t, but the only regrets to be had are those not tried. Sure, it’s a generic idea, but an important one to keep in mind. It’s important to remember that every thought and action and dream presents the potential for more. It’s important to take each chance no matter how great the fear behind it. It’s important to dwell in possibility.

Dwell in possibility.

13 comments:

Annie Z said...

Dear Frankie, there was so much of this post that really spoke to me. I think what I liked the most was that wishes hang in the air waiting for someone to step into at the right time. It is so full of hope and anticipation. Its a beautiful way of looking at it!
JTL
xxx

alan said...

So wise...

So glad I found you!

So glad you are you!

alan

Sky said...

Such an interesting post and a thought provoking one for me. :)

It is a fine balancing act, I think, in living in the present while honoring the past and dreaming of the future. Sometimes our "living in or longing for the possibilities" prevents us from living in our present moment and robs us of a joy impossible in any other moment in our lives. Tricky.

Somnambulist Seeker said...

This is very true, and speaks volumes to where I am at lately as well.

I know you've got the resources to wrestle this out - go for it.

Jamie said...

Frankie, I can just hear your longing in this post and wonder what is out there dwelling in possibility for you. I'm sure it's as magical as you are.

As for the freedom of being without ties, I have to say I have been there too. When I left a long-term relationship the first thing I noticed was how gorgeous it was to not discuss what colour to paint the walls or whether it made sense to spend $5 on raspberries. Ahhh... it felt good.

Out Of Jersey said...

I have a sign similar to that which reads, "Help wanted, Irish Need Not Apply."

gkgirl said...

i hadn't thought about
that
like that
before...

thanks for giving me something
to
dwell on...

:)

Laini Taylor said...

Frankie, I felt just as you did at your age, and I still feel that way to a degree, and you've said it all beautifully. I've seen so many people who've taken easy paths after college because their dreams were too vague for them to know how to act on them, or because everything seemed too hard, or they felt hindered by not being rich enough or whatever. But I feel sure that you won't be one of those people. You're starting out to forge your own path and not follow some worn-out sad path a million others have already walked. I've always loved the words "Dwell in possibility" but here's another one:

"The more uncertainty, the more possibility."

hollibobolli said...

Absolutely wonderful.

meghan said...

You know that that is really what is ahead of you - nothing but possibility. Frankie, you can do, be, say anything! You can go anywhere! You ARE possibility! I can't wait to see what you do with it!!!

MissManda said...

Thankyou for this post. I enjoyed reading it and share similar feelings. Possibilities are endless and we never know where life will take us, though frustrating at times.

Beetlebum said...

I like that idea - dwelling in possibility. To me it connotes something positive, that there is a lot of potential in everything and that we should keep that in mind. I also really like how you've been including a picture in each of your posts. I might steal the idea from you (once I turn 21..soo soon!). Also, I know what you mean about having ties to loved ones. I hate making plans for the future that might mean I won't get to see my friends and other loved ones.

Anonymous said...

I still feel this way...and I'm, um, a little older than 21. ;) In a lovely bit of synchonicity, I posted a link to this very poem today on my blog...and then I ended up here! And I needed to read these words.

And to quote Megg, you ARE possibility. Dare to embody that. :)