A dear friend of mine once told me that he would never write anything down because it would leave a trace. All of his mistakes, his moments of vulnerability, his hardships would be recorded and therefore pose a threat to his present and future life. I consider myself a very open minded person, but still find great difficulty wrapping my mind around his logic, accepting it as truth. I simply can't understand it. I don't know what I would do with myself if I didn't write. I don't know where all of those thoughts and feelings would go if I didn't pour them into journals and blogs. How would I possibly be able to deal with anything?
That being said, being unable to blog for the past week has been quite a trial. I've missed my blogger friends deeply, missed reading their words, missed expressing my thoughts. Of course I've been writing in my journal, but somehow it's not quite the same. While Santa failed to bring me a new laptop, he brought the promise of one via my parents, so I'll hopefully be connected to the wonderful internet again within the week. My, how I've missed it.
Christmas was lovely, much better than I had expected it to be. I had a lovely time at my grandparents for tea, a nice lunch with my dad and brother which I had expected to be much worse than it was, and then a wonderful dinner with my mom and brother. I feel sort of empowered for whatever reason. Perhaps it's the holiday season, perhaps it's making some sort of amends with my father, even if it was relatively unspoken, or perhaps it's getting the chance to blog again. Whatever it is, I hope it stays with me.
I'm really ready for a change in my life and I think I'm finally ready to stand up and make that change. I was reading some new poetry I got for Christmas and then began reading over some things I had written in the past; old entries from a previous blog now gone, old journals, a few old school papers and poems. It's amazing how much I've changed. It's amazing how far my life has come, even if it doesn't feel like it most of the time. I am so different, so much wiser. I went from being a big fish in a small pond to a small fish in a big pond and I've recorded every moment of that transition. I love that I have that record. I love that I can look back and see the path that brought me here, the flow of my life. I love discovering different versions of myself on every page. I can't imagine where I'd be without it.
Happy Holidays everyone. I hope it was a wonderful day.
Here's to leaving a trace.
About Me
- Frankie
- "I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather my spark burn out in a brilliant blaze than be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy, permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." ~Jack London
6 comments:
Oh m'dear, you're so very awesome. It's amazing to think how much we've all changed since high school, and how much (I assume) we will continue to change (although perhaps at a slower pace eventually). I'll be around all week, give me a call when you can and we'll get together. I can't wait to see you!
yay...better words couldn't have been said about that :)
i also need to write, doodle, scribble and type my way through my life...how else could i get rid of all the words constantly floating around in my head?
:)
happy holidays and best wishes
and yay about the promise of a laptop...
i would miss you if you weren't here
I know what you mean. I am glad I started writing. I joined blogspot pretty much exactly a year ago and to think how different I am now since this year has passed is really quite amazing. I love to go look back and wonder what changed me and when the changes took place. I too, am far wiser then I was a year ago and the innocence of childhood has somewhat completely left me. Many of my friends still have theirs, which is intruiguing to note that my experiences have caused me to develop maturity faster and now I don't know where I would be without my blog either. It puts everything into perspective and gets your thoughts out.
I've missed you so I'm most happy to hear that a laptop is coming your way. As for leaving a trace...may you continue to leave you indelible mark in the world. Happiest of holidays to you.
If you think your poetry has changed now, what till you get out into the real world. Then you'll notice a real growth and change.
Oh I love this image of leaving a trace behind you.
Glad to hear that you are feeling ready for the change that you can create in your life. That is so good. And it is good to hear that you are feeling a sense of peace inside you.
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