Man Vs. Nature

I wish it was warm enough to sit outside and write. I miss that. I miss curling up between the roots of an old tree in the park and scribbling away in my journal for hours. I always do my best thinking sitting outside, reveling in the poignant beauty of nature's dance. I love sitting by the creek, watching the water run it's course, dipping my toes into the soft, cool edges. I love the sound of it twisting and turning round the bends. I miss that.

Last night I sat awake staring at the street lamp outside my window. It's bright orange glow always reminds me of early morning, the ease of a sunrise behind the clouds. I thought about LandSea, the three week adventure I spent living in the woods. I would love to be there again. I would love to sleep out among the stars once more, no shelter above me or man made distraction around me, just me and natural world. I wish more of my life could be spent there.

I wish more of my life was like my solo experience, where I sat curled in a small nook among the trees by a lake completely alone for forty-eight hours. I sat there with nothing more than a bottle of water, my pen, my journal and my thoughts, recording every detail of the magnificent life around me. I long for those hours. I long for the kind of peace that comes from being alone with nature, connecting to the earth on a deep and powerful level.

I listened to the quiet lapping of the lake against the shore, the wolves howling at the moon in the distance, the birds chirping at one another in song. I watched the sunlight pour through each tiny branch above me, catching bits of dust in its illuminating rays. I stared at the fallen leaves crinkling beneath me, dotting the earth's surface like mosaic tiles, a vast array of colors and textures. At night I slept beneath a blanket of stars that flickered in the night sky like a million lightening bugs set free from a child's collection jar. I listened and watched and felt the world around me. It was the most alive I've ever felt.

I'd wake in silence, frozen in the peace of daybreak, and stare up at the tree branches, not quite sure of anything and yet, sure of everything. I didn't know the time or even the day. I didn't know what anyone else was doing at that moment. I didn't know exactly where I was or where I was going. I only knew what I felt in that instant, what I could sense in my heart as truth. I only knew that I was alive, here, happy.

I felt so diminished beneath the grandeur of the towering trees, the immeasurable sky. I was so small and insignificant. The world didn't need me. It didn't need any human, and in realizing this, my soul was set free. It is a blessing that I should have the chance to walk this earth that doesn't need me to survive. It is a blessing that I should be given the opportunity to live here. It is a blessing that I am alive.

I wrote and wrote and wrote for almost the entire forty-eight hours. I busily filled each page of my little polka dotted journal with every idea and thought and question I had about the universe. It was the best kind of writing, the kind that consumes you as your only reason to live. I miss it. I miss feeling so detached from all of the bullshit of the man made world, feeling so attached to the world that once was, the kind of life that existed long before cell phones and cars and computers. I am grateful for our advancements, but I miss the importance placed on self reflection. The world would be a better place if people spent more time thinking.

For as long as I can remember, I've annotated books for school with "man vs. nature" scribbled in the margins. That's always a key point, a good essay topic. There's never been a time in my life though when I've felt that I was "vs. nature," against nature. Nature is where I am, who I am. It's where my soul lies, deep within the woods, plastered against the stars, lingering among the towering trees. The world will always be beautiful. I will be beautiful in it. There is tranquility in embracing the simplicity of the world's innocent glamour. There is peace in seeing the splendid grace of the earth. There is happiness in remembering my time spent there alone in the woods, watching the soft white mist circle the surface of the lake, knowing that I'm alive.