The Road Less Traveled

Today I made the decision to change my life. I know that I haven't written for a couple of days, and I apologize for my lack of updates. Everything has just sort of been in limbo lately. I wasn’t sure what my semi-immediate future would look like, where I’d be, what I’d be doing. I was lost and confused and afraid to face that, to admit that to myself.

What I’d been dreading most was sitting down to talk to my mom about taking a semester off from school. It’s not that I thought she’d be angry, or even terribly disappointed really, but I thought she’d say no. I thought she would push hard to make sure my life doesn’t end up like hers. It is a family trait to take the road less traveled, and my family has seen its fair share of sorrows because of it. But she was amazing, as she always is. She talked to me like a grown up, she listened carefully to what I had to say, she took my feelings into consideration. In the end, she told me she just wanted me to be happy. I believe her.

So, the plan as of now is that I won’t be returning to school later this month. Instead, I’m going to India in March for a few months to volunteer and travel and have an adventure. My mood has already blossomed. I’m so excited and happy and thrilled. The feeling derives from both the prospect of such an adventure as well as the final decision I’ve been waiting forever to reach. I think the struggle of what to do has been weighing on me more than I’ve allowed myself to admit. I’m quite sure it was a major contribution in my recent depression.

I feel as though a weight has been lifted from me. I feel better about myself and the world and the direction of my life. I feel a kind of contentment I haven’t felt in a very long time. Yes, it’s risky. Yes, it’s different. Yes, it’s the road less traveled, but that’s what I’ve always wanted. That’s why I left my original college choice, Kalamazoo, to be in a bigger world. I wanted this struggle. I chose this life.

That’s how I want to feel about my life. I want to feel like my success, my failures, my days are my choice. I want to feel in control. Of course I know that having control over my life isn’t always an option, but with every decision that I make I’m that much more satisfied. I don’t have an ultimate destination and I like it that way. What I do have, what I do like, are these choices that I can make. I like the freedom of following my heart wherever it may lead. I like that each time I make the choice to travel down the road less traveled. For surely that will make all the difference.