The First Step

It was extremely appropriate that Friday the 13th began the way that it did. It was such a grey and dreary morning, the world moving languidly through the thickening fog. Everything seemed so slow and quiet. It certainly had that scary movie quality to it.

I tend to love mornings like that. Somehow everything seems to shine so vividly juxtaposed against the blank canvas of a cloud ridden sky. The naked branches of the trees stand black and bold against the white light behind them. They look like the negative of a photograph. They look like a painting of silhouettes. They look beautiful.

Today I received the beginning sets of my India information and got a chance to speak with the head of our program. Sarah, a delightful British woman, spoke to me all about what I’ll be doing, why I’ve decided to do it, how happy she was that I did. Suddenly, it all became so real.

Suddenly, I’m so very excited. It’s finally beginning to really sink in. I’m going India. In less than two months, I’m going to be on a twenty hour plane ride, alone, on my way to discover the world. Everything about this is so crazy. People keep asking me why I’m doing it. I guess it’s pretty ridiculous that I don’t really have an answer, nothing more than “it just feels right,” which is usually the reason I make most of the decisions that I do. But it just feels right.

Meghan asked me, “Do you think you’ll find yourself in India?” I don’t know if we ever really “find” ourselves, but I truly believe that every step we take is a step towards that kind of self realization, and this is certainly a big step. I think it’s impossible for this experience to leave my life unchanged. It’s impossible for me not to give myself whole heartedly to this, to allow every moment to seep into my veins and mind and soul. It’s impossible to emerge as the same person who entered.

I’m so blissfully happy and excited for what the future will hold. This is the sort of adventure I’ve always admired other people for embarking on, the kind of thing I’ve always longed to do. This is the kind of life I’ve always wanted for myself, full of travel and uncertainty and independence. This is the first step to becoming the person I want to be, the step that will bring me that much closer to finding myself.