Creepy Crawlers And Nutty Neighbors

I’ve defended bugs on more than one occasion. I make it a point never to kill a bug outside unless they’re eating me, and furthermore, to make sure no one else does either. When you’re in their environment, you have to understand and respect the fact that they belong there, that they have just as much, if not more, of a right to be there than you do. It’s different however, when they’re inside your house.

It’s still no justification for killing them. They are of course, living creatures, who just happened to accidentally fly in through an open window or door. Still, it’s understandably unnerving to discover one in your personal space. I tend to feel extremely helpless when they’re in my room, which is very unlike me. I’m not the kind of person who gets scared of bugs or snakes or any of the normal phobias, but seeing an insect land on my wall sends my heart racing. Especially when, like this current one, I can’t seem to identify it.

He wouldn’t land on the floor, so I couldn’t just kill him easily and end it all. Instead, he awkwardly landed on my lamp and I was able to catch him under a clear cup. He’s been sitting there for two days now and somehow manages to stay alive. I know how wrong this is. I know that I’m torturing him. I keep assuming he’ll be dead within the next hour, but he keeps on living under the cup. I’m not sure how he was able to make it up to my room on the third floor, but my screens are impossible to close once they’re open and I can’t afford taking the risk of having a permanently open window, inviting in hundreds of other creatures. I could walk him all the way downstairs, but am afraid he’ll get loose on the way and I’ll never be able to catch him again, which would only lead to sleepless nights knowing he’s somewhere in the house, plotting his two day imprisonment revenge. For now, he remains my little prisoner on my desk.

Meanwhile, in the outside world, I have a friendly squirrel who comes to visit at least once a day and bangs on the aforementioned screens on my windows. It’s quite unnerving actually. The whole window shakes as he sticks his claws into the tiny screen holes, desperately trying to get in. I’m not sure what his motives are, or why he would assume there’s something better on the inside, but he seems very intent on trying to get in each day. I almost envy his determination.

So now I have this little dichotomy of friendly creatures. One locked within the confines of a prison cup, trying desperately to escape. The other with an entire world of freedom, trying desperately to be confined. And isn’t that what life is all about? When the world seems small, we want nothing more than to escape to a bigger world, but when that world gets too big, we long for the comfort of living small lives. There never seems to be that perfect balance between the two.

At least for me anyway. It seems I’m always conflicted between the adventurous nature of living large and the ease of simplicity. Some days I dream of picking up everything I can and just driving somewhere, anywhere, to discover all of the mysteries this crazy, wonder filled world has to offer. Other days I find myself missing the charm of spending a night in Chestnut Hill, driving around through each hang-out location, running into everyone we know at each stop. I find myself missing the feeling of knowing everyone in my classes, getting honks and waves from passing traffic as I drive, running into friends around every corner. At the same time, I still long for more. I long for the exploration of the unknown. I long for different people and places and experiences. I long for the adventure that is life.

I guess I’ll always have those feelings. I’ll always long for the past and the future at the same time because I’m like both the bug and the squirrel. I want in and I want out. I want it all, which never ceases to make me feel like I have nothing. Nothing but a bug in a cup, a mentally challenged squirrel, and a mind that won't ever shut off.