I Can't Believe That We Would Lie In Our Graves, Wondering If We Had Spent Our Living Days Well

I hate the expression “live each day as though it were your last.” Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment, but when it comes down to it, it’s just flat out bad advice. The trouble with imagining this is your last day on earth, is that tomorrow you’ll wake up and realize that it wasn’t, that life does in fact go on.

I understand that the point is, what if it doesn’t. The point is that potentially you won’t wake up tomorrow and you will have to know that you wasted your last day here on earth. Yes, that would maybe suck, if you were even aware of what your last day on earth consisted off once you’ve left it. I have yet to determine if I believe that kind of thing, or furthermore, if I believe you’d regret living through another normal day right before you died.

The thing is, more often than not, you will wake up. Another day in your life will begin and you will find yourself completely unprepared. I guess what I mean is that if I lived each day as though it were my last, I would never go to class or get a job or try to take care of myself. I think part of me used to believe that excluding those things from my last day somehow meant that they weren’t necessary in my days at all. That isn’t right though, and I know it isn’t right. Those things are important.

I don’t want to wake up at fifty wishing I had planned for some kind of a future. What it comes down to, is that I would much rather have a boring last day than an entire life of days without stability. That sounds awful. That doesn’t sound like the me I want to be at all, but I know in my heart that it’s true.

I still full heartedly believe in carpe diem, in seizing the day, the moment, and making it beautiful. It’s not that I want to deny my life of spontaneity and beauty, it’s just that I also need a plan. I don’t want to bounce from day to day, moment to moment, with no idea of what’s in store. It’s scares me to think that I’m wasting too much time doing nothing in the hopes that something will come along. I don’t want to become a spectator in my life.

I took the day off work to go to an all day concert at Penn’s Landing with some of my favorite people in the world, and then off to Adrian’s to begin the official celebration of Sam’s 21st birthday. Happy birthday my love! I just have a feeling it’s going to be a wonderful day, as without any hint of regret, I ignore work and responsibility and head off to spend my living days well. I can’t believe that we would lie in our graves, dreaming of things that could have been….