Why I Blog

She said it's so funny, to see who I am here, to know this side of me. She said it's so funny that I am this daringly honest and truthful person here. She said it's so funny because to know me in real life, the walking, talking version of me, people may never guess that I was capable of such openness.

Which is completely fair and true. I am quiet. I am reserved. I am closed off, but not because I'm unwilling to share things about myself. It's simply that I'm unwilling to offer them up. If someone were to ask me a question, I'd give them an honest answer. Sometimes I think I ask others questions in the hopes that it will lead to something I want to say, that I've wanted to say for some time, that I'd been storing up for the perfect moment when someone would want to know. But if the occasion doesn't arrive, if the moment is not apropos, I don't put it out on the table and say here, here is my life, here is what's going on inside my head.

Here, on this blog, it is different. This blank space opens itself up to me, poses whatever question I would like to answer that moment, burns with possibility. This blank space exists as equally on this page as it does in my own head.

When I write here, I sit down and start typing. There is no concept in mind, no end result. There is no censorship or editing. This is it. This is me. This is the person I am when I'm sitting there quietly, when people can tell there are things I'd like to say but don't, when I censor myself out in the real world. This is what's going on in my head.

I write here because this is where I am comfortable sharing myself. I don't care who reads this because every inch of me longs to share these thoughts, these experiences, these words with anyone and everyone. I'm happy you are reading this because it makes me feel like I can be me, like I can be true to myself, in at least some small way.

I am working on trying to take this version of myself and extend it to the me who exists in the real world. I am trying to not have to depend on this blog to express myself. But for now, I am grateful to have such an outlet. I am grateful for the opportunity to sit down here each night and work through those thoughts and experiences and words floating around in my head. I am grateful to have people open this page and get to see another side of me, to connect with me, to understand me even a little better. I am grateful for this practice.

That people continue to read this blog never ceases to amaze me. That people, some who I know, some who I don't, devote a little bit of their time to listening to my reflections on life is remarkable. It says a lot about us -- as writers, as readers, as human beings. In a world where it is easy to feel alone, it is so comforting to know that there still exists these small gatherings, connections, communities where people come together. It is so comforting to have this space to share.

Whether you agree with what I write or not, whether you like it or not, by sitting down and reading my words, we have become connected. We have become something more than two strangers making their way through life. We have become changed by one another's existence. It's a lovely thought.

And I'm glad I have a place in which to share it.