If Summer Were A Woman, They'd Call Her A Tease

Yet another rainy day. As yesterday was, as tomorrow is expected to be. Every few days there is a glimpse of summer. She peaks her head out from behind the grey and smiles at us, knowing full well tomorrow she'll be gone. If summer were a woman, they'd call her a tease. My mood is forever dependent on the weather. I used to love the rain. I used to revel in its darkness, its misery, its depth. Now it makes me sad. Now all I want is to taste the summer air on my tongue, to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. All I want are sunny days, happy days. Is that so much to ask?

I'm just annoyed with the summer, and it's only just begun. I'm not neccessarily bored, but what I'm doing isn't thrilling. Nothing really appeals to me right now, and so I've become somewhat antisocial. I love my friends. I love spending time with them, but after a long day here at the office, all I wanna do is curl up in bed and relax. Sitting around with the same people having the same conversations just doesn't inspire me to get up and go out. I'm sick of the monotony of each day.

So is this what it's like? Is this what summers to come are destined to be? I worry that when I "grow up" this is what my life will become. I'm not brave enough to quit a job I'm only happy with a few days a month. I tell myself that it's fine because it's temporary, because eventually I'll be able to leave, and for the time being it's working out well. At the same time, will I ever be able to break this cycle? Or will I go on convincing myself that every awful position I get myself into is only temporary, and end up accepting it without a fight. That's probably one of my biggest fears, going down without a fight. As Ani says, "if I'm gonna go down, I'm gonna do it with style." I worry my life is lacking that style, that attribute that makes you feel as though you're fighting the good fight.

I guess all I'm saying is, I need something to happen. I guess all I'm saying is, I could use a change. I guess all I'm saying is, a little sunshine would be nice.