Recap of the Past Two Months

I slept through most of September. It's not something that I would care to admit to anyone who chooses to read this, not something that I would care to admit to myself, not something that I would care to remember at all in fact, but it's the truth, and it needs to be documented somehow.

The job I was planning to take in my last post didn't work out. I knew instantly that it wasn't for me. Truthfully, I probably knew even during the interview, but my want and need of a job outweighed my better judgement. So I took the job and after two days, left it. I hated being that person. I hated that feeling of quitting, of abandoning the people who had taken a chance on me, of letting people down. It is the worst kind of guilt. But really, in seeming selfish, I was trying to be selfless. It seemed a waste to grow close to children and parents that I knew I was leaving anyway. It seemed wrong to let them get to know me and trust me only to leave them in a few weeks when something better came along. It didn't seem worth it to hang on.

And so, I let go.

And therefore spent the better half of September taking the occasional interview, but mostly, wallowing in the fact that things hadn't just magically worked out for me the way they had always done in the past. In fact, after two long term jobs that had hired me on the spot, this was my first set of real interviews. When wearing my rose tinted glasses, I was grateful for the practice and for finally understanding the merit behind job hunting complaints. When the glasses came off however, I was depressed and wanted a job.

I'm really not good at "free time." It was an important lesson to learn about myself.

But at last, the end of September came and with it, a job teaching four year olds at a new and lovely center. I adore my new coworker, which is generally half the battle in a daycare setting, and my new little students are just wonderful. I'm sure there will be countless stories relayed here in the future, but for now, I just wanted to say that each day the job gets better. Each day I fall a little more in love with my new children. Each day I grow more confidant in my choices and in the theory that everything happens for a reason. Things do, generally, magically work out. It's simply a matter of recognizing the magic.

The past two weeks have been magical. On Halloween, our new neighborhood buzzed with life. Neither of us have ever lived on a block that really celebrated the day. We were lucky if we got a handful of trick-or-treaters. But last Friday night they came in droves, of all ages, in some pretty wonderful costumes. We met some neighbors we had yet to meet. We sat out on the porch and felt the hum of excitement wafting through the orange lit street. The neighborhood united. It felt like we were connected to something bigger than ourselves. It was the best kind of feeling.

A few days before that, our city buzzed with life. Our beloved Phillies won the world series for the first time in twenty eight years and nobody slept for days. The celebration went on and on with drinking and fireworks and hugs and tears and pots and pans banging in homes from the heart of the city to the outskirts of the suburbs. Everyone had a smile on their face. Everyone wore red. The city united. It felt like we were connected to something bigger than ourselves. It was the best kind of feeling.

A week later we sat up waiting for the results of the Presidential election. From the other side of the wall of our twin, our neighbors screamed so loudly that I'm sure they are still trying to regain their voices. Obama WON. And it feels, well, amazing, doesn't it? It feels like change. It feels like hope. It feels like, for the first time in a long time, America has something to be proud of. And as a country, that unites us. And it feels like we're connected to something bigger than ourselves. And it is the best kind of feeling.

I have had two months of extreme lows and extreme highs. But it's getting better all the time. And while I have a thousand more things to say, stories to tell, emotions to consider, I sat down this morning to play catch up with this blog simply to express this one thought: I am happy.

And it feels like waking up.