Go Ahead Punk, Make My Day

Sometimes I feel like at twenty, pueberty is finally beginning to take it's toll on my emotions. My feelings are all over the place. I can wake up feeling fantastic and within the hour be angry at everything and everyone around me or I can be completely angry with someone and within ten minutes, be laughing so hard my sides hurt. Far beyond my psychosis, it's the simple details that can make or break my day. The weather, driving conditions, the moods of my coworkers. Everything.

I woke up feeling exhausted even though I got a great night's sleep. I went downstairs and was angry to find my father there. It's so annoying how he's just everywhere. Then I realized it is his house and I should just suck it up and get over it. I felt better. The trip to work was nice. It's beautiful outside, just the perfect mix of sun and wind, and I enjoyed both with all of my windows rolled down and my radio blaring. That Black Eyed Peas song 'My Humps' was on the radio. It's utterly absurd and yet I can't help but turn the volume up every time it comes on. I love stupid pop songs.

I walked into the office feeling high on life and was greeted nicely and then started to work. I have little spurts of wanting to continue working here. They come and go. I think mostly it's because I decided to leave so abruptly (although I've been complaining for quite some time), that I didn't really sit and weigh things out. It still hasn't entirely become real that I'm leaving. For me anyway, my bosses are sort of completely freaking out about finding a replacement. If anyone reading this wants a job, let me know.

Of course, you probably won't after all the complaining I do about it here. I know I can't stay because really, I hate it. It's not a bad job, it's just not fulfilling. I don't feel like a better person working here and I don't feel like my life has been made better because of this job. I'm just not meant to be behind a desk. That's all there is to it.

I'm sitting here completely bored staring out the window. There's only three of us in the office. Me, my favorite person here, Donia, and our least favorite person here, Justin. I probably shouldn't use names, but pretty much know none of them will read this. Or even if they do, I'm leaving anyway so whatever.

Justin's an angry republican and has the ability to ruin even the best of moods. I suppose the fact that he's a republican doesn't have anything to do with it, it just makes him seem more evil in my eyes. As Donia and I sit here talking, he sits across the room making whispering noises in mockery of us, the kind of thing you experience in the third grade. I can't imagine how any one person could have so much anger and hatred, but he does. He ignores everyone, and honestly, I would probably forget he was even here if it wasn't for the cursing, slamming, hissy-fits he throws. He used to scare me so much.

It doesn't take much for me to like a person. I don't have a long list of requirements. Pretty much what it comes down to is that if you say hello to me, you're wonderful and certainly friend worthy. Justin doesn't, and worse, he avoids eye contact to ensure that you won't say anything to him. I used to think that he needed a hug from someone, but the truth is, his anger is so far beyond that, and I'm so far beyond wanting to find some good in him. He's just not a good person.

And that's why I'm no longer afraid of him. That's why I forget he's even here. Once I realized that he isn't deep, that he does in fact just have the emotional stability of a 6 year old, everything changed. I learned how to see his hissy fits as pathetic and he lost all of his power that way. I laughed today as he whispered in mockery. Nothing's going to remove this smile from my face. Not even an angry republican.

As I smile, I light other smiles, and the world suddenly becomes so much brighter.